The Bible through the eyes of children:

  1. Noah's wife was Joan of Ark.
  2. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and ball of fire by night.
  3. Moses went to the top of Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.
  4. [for Bill Clinton] The seventh commandment is "Thou shalt not admit adultery."
  5. Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
  6. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
  7. The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 Decibels.
  8. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
  9. One of the opossums was St. Matthew.
  10. Salome danced in seven veils in front of King Harrod's.
  11. Paul preached acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
  12. David fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
  13. The Jews had trouble throughout their history with unsympathetic Genitals.
  14. A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.