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Assistant Professor Nancy Taylor on 'Forgiveness' |
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As the new year unfolds, many people want to make changes in their relationships, but may not know how. Nancy Taylor, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist, educator and counselor, who has helped others resolve relationship issues for over 20 years. Dr. Taylor teaches in two master's programs at John Carroll: the community counseling program and the school counseling program.
Click on Forgiveness to read a brief article on the subject. Click on image of speakers to hear 7 min. interview on WCPN-FM radio on Dec. 24, 2002:
And for more information, e-mail Nancy Taylor or phone her at 216.397.4607. |
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| Nancy Taylor, Ph.D., has spent over 20 years in the counseling profession. Currently, she is a counselor-educator at John Carroll University. She is a licensed psychologist, professional clinical counselor and lecturer who received her PhD from Kent State University in 1982. Dr. Taylor teaches in two master's programs at John Carroll: the community counseling program and the school counseling program. |
People steal, cheat and lie. They are guilty of all kinds of wrongs and slights, biting words and betrayals. We’ve all endured these things – and sometimes even promulgated them. So, what does it mean to forgive? For Christians, it means turning the other cheek. Jews stress its importance with Yom Kippur or “day of atonement.” Muslims have a festival, Lailat Ul-Barah or “Night of Forgiveness,” which is a time to ask for and grant forgiveness. Lately, the importance of forgiveness has become more multifaceted, as it has been linked to physical, as well as emotional and spiritual health. Nancy Taylor, Ph.D., who researches the topic and teaches counselors-in-training at John Carroll University, says forgiveness is often a process that people have to continually renew, particularly she finds, when people are dealing with anger and resentment that involve their relationships with close friends, spouses and loved ones. “If someone hurts you, you have every right to be mad. You can say, ‘I am mad at some man or woman who dumped, betrayed (fill-in-the-blank) me. But if you say all men or women are awful, you build a wall of defenses that does not allow you to experience life’s great joys,” she says. “Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person who hurt you. It is simply not wishing the other person harm. It’s letting go and putting [your grievance] down.” She asks, ‘Can you pray for the person?’ Taylor, who recently addressed counseling professionals at the Ohio Counseling Association meeting, says people experience new freedom when they stop harboring resentment against a person or event that hurts them. She says holding on to old hurts depletes people’s energy and keeps them from pursuing new goals. “People say they will forgive but don’t forget,” Taylor says. “What is important, though, is not that they forget. This can leave a healthy scar. Instead, they can say to themselves, ‘I can remember how I got this scar and I can run my finger over it, but it does not have to hurt anymore.’ The big questions that people have to answer for themselves are ‘What do I need to hang on to in order to be true to myself? What do I need to let go of?’” What can you do if you are having trouble forgiving someone? Taylor says people first need to uncover how they feel injustices in their lives have affected them, then consciously decide to forgive, letting go of any wish for harm to others. Lastly, they need to consider how they will redirect the energy they used to carry around their resentful and apply it toward something purposeful and meaningful. She says working with a professional is only one option. People can also write a letter they never send. Or use what she calls “the empty chair,” which means mentally picturing the person in a chair beside you and begin talking and getting the feelings out. Perhaps one of the hardest things, Taylor finds, is to help people to forgive themselves. She plans to give a talk about the topic in January or February 2003. |
